She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
operation have a gay friend backfired
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
