they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
