Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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