Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize