I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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