I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
