i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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