the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
