Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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