his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
