So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Still dying that you shit outside
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
