yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
