the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
