She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
