is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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