We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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