I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
