its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
