Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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