got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
