when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
