I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
