his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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