well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
