I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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