Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
