He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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