I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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