oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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