best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
