she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
