So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
