so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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