I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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