I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
