then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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