I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
even my farts smell like vagina
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
