Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
