hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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