Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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