It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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