i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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