Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
