I don't usually arrange sex via text message
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What a dumb baby whore.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
