Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
