I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
