Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
