When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
