There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
