Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this boner is exhausting
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
