1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
