Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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