ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
