i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
