If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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