This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
