hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize