My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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