The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
