i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
