I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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