I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
