I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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