clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
