i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
