Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
