remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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