I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
there is glitter all over my balls
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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