I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
