TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
