If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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