i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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