You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
