he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
