Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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