Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
