Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
