It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need a beard to bite.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
