Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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