I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize