let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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