Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Boobs speak an international language.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
