what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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