i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
