DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
