Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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