I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize