Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
