Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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