Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize