K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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