Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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